A friend recently explained why he refuses to get married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.

Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in and those inside are desperate to come out.

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life...
The wives want both!

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Irvin S. Cobb

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.

General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)

Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn.

Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947-)

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Don Quixote - "Man of La Mancha"

His ignorance is encyclopaedic.

Abba Eban (1915-2002)

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."

Voltaire (1694-1778)

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

David Dinkins

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.